Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
