I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
