There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
