dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
