After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize