I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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