ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
