one two three fourrrrnication!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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