I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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