If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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