Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
