on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
