i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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