the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
