no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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