wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
