i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
