I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
