let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And then my night got REAL pukey
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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