Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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