i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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