My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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