My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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