I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
