Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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