I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
