we're blogging at a bar
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize