just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
