I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
