I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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