wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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