ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
