our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize