I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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