i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
