You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
