I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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