Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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