I accidentally had phone sex last night
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize