i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
