pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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