i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
