He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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