Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
