My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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