i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
