i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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