I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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