Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
