That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
