Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
