last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
