fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
