I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wish i was in the wii world.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
