I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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