im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
