dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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