Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
