I seem to have left my pride at pride
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize