i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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