He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
