I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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