A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
