How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
