you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
