I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
