That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
